My job = sperm investigator

This post is not for the queasy.

I recently experienced a patient coming into triage and informing me she believed her water had broken. One of the first questions I have to ask every patient is whether or not they have had sexual intercourse in the last 24 hours. This patient informed me that they had sex at 2 am that morning and that is when she believed her water had broken. This automatically made me jump to one conclusion...let me let you in on a basic labor & delivery fact:

STERILE SPECULUM EXAM

+

AMNIOTIC FLUID

=

FERNING (WHEN OBSERVED UNDER THE MICROSCOPE)

This equation is quite different when has recently committed "the act"

the outcome=

(for those of you that cannot tell, these are little swimmers!)

Now I know how this particular patient ended up to be 9 months prego!!!!